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Ugthar Firestorm & The Kingdom of Mead

by Alaskan Bull Worm

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1.
Prolegomenon 01:36
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Narrator: "Our story begins far off in the land of Blotharia, where mighty and chaste knight Cornelius Thorogood rides through the forest on his faithful steed Mafleyodir as if an eagle wings were carrying them to meet the forces of the dark wizard Beendaull. Towards the wretched tower he rides, the waning light of the world gives one last shine upon his armor, this majestic Hero of good. Will he vanquish Beendaull? Will he be the hero of this worlds redemption? He could! He could be it! Yes, possibly. But I don't know, this is not his story, this story is about Ugthar Firestorm He is not so much a chaste knight. He loves to drink, he hates the law, he’s a jerk, but maybe he can save us all. Because his quest is to find the true mead! The Wolf of the North, The Silence of the storm, The Testicle of the universe! Because honestly, what has saved humanity time and time again? It's not money, it's not heroes, it's not the law. It's mead, it's alcohol. So Ugthar Firestorm has taken it upon himself to find The Kingdom of Mead!"
2.
The Kingdom Of Mead 02:03
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In this tavern my destiny is met A Fair barmaiden with a glorious chest Chug back barrels till you stumble down Pray to the gods then take another round As the world burns this will be my home Drinking mead is all I've known The beer of life will quench your thirst So take a drink or you are cursed Li li de di li de di li de di di Li li de di li de di Lets get drunk Hey hey hey! I want to drink til I die Hey hey hey! Raise your glass to the sky Hey hey hey! I want to drink til I die! Take your cup and open wide! A spiritual journey you will find At the bottom of the bottle everytime Mystical stores from this land to the east They say the grass is covered in yeast When it rains and the thunder booms The strongest mead is about to be brewed But be weary of this fabled tale No one has made it by foot or by sail "I Ugthar Firestorm swear upon this day That I will find The Kingdom of Mead But first" LET'S GET DRUNK! Hey hey hey! I want to drink til I die Hey hey hey! Raise your glass to the sky Hey hey hey! I want to drink til I die! Take your cup and open wide! "I will find the kingdom Of Mead It is my destiny And when I get there I will become really, really DRUNK!"
3.
Warriors Blood (Forge The Mountains) 03:38
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Ugthar Firestorm: "And so began my quest to find the Kingdom of Mead. I gathered a crew of the bravest men and women I've met over my adventurous years. We gathered ourselves aboard a ship and sailed along the coast. All seemed to be going well. We were on our way to the North Western lands, where it is rumored you can find a current that will take you straight to this fabled land. But unfortunately we did not prepare for the storm..." The night was dark and so were the stars above our heads, The night the storm hit and dragged us to the depths Of the sea! Where demons and monsters lie to bring us down, It was the fight of my life! I came out of the ocean! I survived the sea! Now here, lays before me, A land I have never seen! I go before ye! Mountain carved of steel and stone! Could you direct me, Guide my spirit to it's destined home! I carry on, With the wind at my back, Over the streams these ageless fjords, The stars align providing me with strength, To walk the path of the warriors blood, Through Dwarven stone through silver fire and gold, I battled on repelling the goblins bows, Taking a spear i grip it with all my might, The goblin chief fell to me that night, Ugthar: "Now as the morning breaks I drink from a crystal stream. A spirit then rises from the bark of a tree. I realize this is a magical place, So I inquire this apparition about the quest that I chase" The Spirit: "Ugthar this is your journey! No one else can find this Kingdom. So take my seeing Diamond, and go!" I know my path the diamond lights up the way, My body moves as if i was part of the sky, The forest sings giving me the strength, To carry my heart filled with warriors blood! Ugthar: "Now that I have my heading my courage is restored, even after the loss of my entire crew. I will carry on! I am so close now I can taste The Mead, I can feel it coursing through my veins." Narrator: "Meanwhile, in the city of Goblins..." The Goblin Prince Crumbung: "Father, father where is my father? WHERE IS MY FATHER?! Father!" The Goblin King: "Yes?" The Goblin Prince Crumbung: "Ugthar! He comes! Do what he wants!" The Goblin King: "No! We will take our armies to him! And you will lead them and kill him!" The Goblin Prince Crumbung: "Yes father!" The Goblin King: "You will kill him!" The Goblin Prince Crumbung: "He will die!"
4.
Of Goblins & Steel (Arriving To Glory) 04:42
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Narrator: "We find ourselves on the fields of Durnodirame, where the Goblin Prince Crumbung leads his army to confront Ugthar Firestorm for the death of the Goblin Chief Cobbledick." The Goblin Prince Crumbung: "Let’s go! Raise our banner high! Kill Ugthar that barbarian must die! Do not let him into these lands! He’s seen to much, He nears his journey’s end!" Ugthar: "I will not fall to you foul creature! I will succeed in finding the Kingdom of Mead." The Goblin Prince Crumbung: "I'd like to see you try Ugthar! My armies of goblins will stop you! Kill him! Haha, there is no way he could even touch me in this battle! eh..?" Ugthar: "Time to die." *Screams of peril I am victorious! The Goblin Prince is dead! Though a thousand more still come, I know, if had more power the battle would be won! Oh the skies open up providing me with mead, As the storm begins to brew, My finally war begins.. Ugthar: "I have not crossed ocean and storm, fire and mountain to die in this battle. I will fight on!" Narrator: "Now, with the strongest Mead flowing through Ugthar's veins he charges head first into the Goblin lines. Thinking himself a god, invincible. But he is still a man... and mortals fall.." I must not give up, I must carry on, To defend this Kingdom, And my heroes song. Though I may die today, I will go down in history, They will sing my name, I shall never fade away. The knife severs my being, Pray for life, Death, Anguish. Lo' I meet my end, though I know, I've made it to my home. I have come to my journeys end! (Ugthar, Ugthar, Ugthar, Ugthar) I have found, the Kingdom of Mead! (Ugthar, Ugthar, Ugthar, Ugthar) I am legend! I am now forever! (Ugthar, Ugthar, Ugthar, Ugthar) The Histories will sing my name! Ugthar: "Now sing my name and take a drink to the end of our days! If there is one thing I will pass on with my life, it is this! Drink my brothers! For one day, we will no longer see the sun." Narrator: "Now.. another hero.. another line.. in the constellations of time is added to the tapestry of life.. He stands in between life and death... His journey is now end."
5.
Halls Of Our Fathers 04:54
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Ugthar: "And now, I stand at the brink, the precipice of life and death. I hear my brothers.. They are calling me home.. To the Halls of my Fathers.. To the Halls of Mead." I am lost, Fading from this world, The light escapes my eyes, No oxygen to fill my lungs, So much blood has been lost, Will they remember me? When I no longer walk the Earth, Will they still sing of me? When I am caught in the astral dance. The starlight waves, I am coming home tonight. Come home, receive us brother! Come drink in the halls tonight! Have no fear of dying! You are now a burning light! Light! My flesh disappears! I am spirit! Though my journey has come to an end! I will not forget all the lessons I have learned in life! Love is the ultimate way to succeed! Give before you succeed! And grasp your own destiny! I become, The Kingdom Of Mead, Lovers learn how to love. Narrator: "Ugthar Firestorms tale will never fade. It is now carved in the Diamond of Myth and Legend. He ascended to the Bull Worm in the sky. It is said that on certain nights, you can hear the Minstrel Man and the Menstrual Women sing of his tale." The End. Thanks for listening and Hopefully enjoying this story. It's all about freedom. Cheers!

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released October 7, 2016

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Alaskan Bull Worm Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania

The comedy outfit known as ABW brings everything they've got with songs about all matters, like drinking mead and coming out to your dad.

Offensive To The Ears & Abrasive To The Mind.

Resilient to critics, stamina unyielding, full of piss and vigor. ... more

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